17 May 2017

I'm back after almost a year. My last post was dated on 17 May 2016.. and today is 15 May 2017.. 17 May marks the best day of my life, the sweetest, the most unplanned, the most i will never want to forget..the beginning of new journey...the most i want to finish what i have started..

In one day, 17 May will come again.. after a year.. it crashes.. please save me.

dfk+ls

17th May 2014
SMK Seri Ampang, KL.

Frustating post. See you next time.

              It has been quite a year since the last time i logged in to my blog account. Frankly, i dont mind if people do not know the presence of my blog. This is considered as my personal space. My vocabulary could be rubbing off since i couldn't even remember the last time i read a book. Those who know, will know this. Since i dont have much assets to inherit this blog to someone else, can i take this blog as a part of my will?

             ............................

My mind went blackout the moment i wanted to pour everything here that i had in my mind just now. How frustating. I wish i can tell how my life is going now, how much i have developed as a person, how good and bad particular situation had occured to me... a lot.. too many... and some of them, even too hurtful to remember. No one wants to listen to me ranting about my life over and over again. I want changes. i want something new. I want to go further taking the next step, What i feel now, im running in a circle, just taking different routes. That circle is just imperfect. I am always back to the same place that i begin. When they say, back to square one, they lie. All shapes are same, they need to have the beginning and ending point, which ultimately will bring you to the same point. 

     Suddenly i dont know how to put all these into words. I guess the words have been nesting in my mind for so long that i failed to bring it out. damn. 

     I wish im a writer, just like Iriz in The Holiday. She could write and get the idea fast that it was a piece of cake for her to finish her story on time. I want to be that. Off now till i can focus better.

Now playing, lagu Yakinlah aku menjemputmu by Kangen Band. Suka lagu ni. sebab dia suruh je kita yakin yang kekasih dia akan datang..dan dia suruh jangan sedih-sedih.. dia tetap akan datang..
Mood petang ni, tak tahu nak label apa. Dah selalu sangatlah hal yang tak best jadi. Takpelah awak. Awak ambillah masa awak. Saya, biar jelah. Nanti oklah. Nanti biasalah. Belum betul-betul bersedia lagi nak cakap pasal emosi. Sebab terlampau berat. Tapi, jangan biarkan terlampau lama. Sampai berkudis, sampai bernanah. Setiap hubungan perlukan pengorbanan. Pengorbanan perlukan kesabaran.

They said.

So they said, people tend to write when they are sad. That could be true. The thing i am sad about is beyond everyone's limit. When i am sitting alone, I need to talk to someone, always. Make fun, jokes and talk about anything that can make me forget about the problem i am facing. We always assume we willalways be with people that we love. We want it to be inseparable. We want it to own eternity. At some points we must realise that not all things that we think 'belong' to us, truly belong to us.

When I cry, i tend to cry alone. Such a shame and disgrace to cry in front of you people. I always want to show the happy side of me. If I cry in front of you, that must mean something. No matter how many tears fall down, value it. Treasure it.

I try my best not to feel anything. I try my best to ignore.Even when i am typing, tears roll down my cheek. Please take a good care of yourself Lily. I just fear for another ....

I despise fight

So these few days back, we had a fight. Not quite a big one. It was still bearable. It's just that I decided to do what I want without referring to you first. Well, do not go mental at me because I used to decide on my own. Like where to go, what to do, whom I go with. Thus, i know it was rather annoying to put u second after all the decision. I understood, very well, the urge of informing beforehand, right before you came up with any words about something, it was just, something that i am adapting with.

It was kind of punishing me, if you dont realize that what you've done so far. yes, couldnt be a big deal for me. But i dont know why, sometimes this kind of situation just haunted me for something I do not want to go back, for the last time particularly. I mean the feeling. I would have request you to try another method but I presume not all method is challenging enough to a person.

And now I know where you are and it's kind of torturing me to know that I cant be there by your side. Why am I being so melancholic here? You know what? I dont like fight. I super hate it. Some may say fight spices up your relationship but for me, it's more likely 10% helping. The rest will result to isolation, not talking, sour faces, miscommunication, expectation and so on. So where is the good in fighting? Not having fight could make someone bored in their relationship. Whilst you can choose, which one would you prefer? Having a fight or having a relationship that is blooming all the way, designed with small little arguments that eventually come to a conclusion? I prefer the latter. I mean, it's okay to have fight, just dont let it become contagious and kill all the good cells and muscles on your body. No?

Alriht, i think it's time to sleep now because tomorrow my lesson will be observed by ab SISC+ im not quite sure what the heck was that but to my concern, it is about someoine who was sent to assist teaching to boost the result for UPSR. What the fuck? I just made 10 people get As for English as compared to 2-3 few years back. Okay, dont be boastful but still! I have my own philosophy and thank you for your concern.

My lifesaver

On different occasions, in many situations,
Your kindness ultimately outnumbered the goodwill i have shown.
To list down it will take forever i would say.
You were always there when I needed the most, and yes that caused me to become such a needy person.

As time goes by,
As the calendar flips to new month,
Month changes to new year,
You are always there for me.
There are a lot of things you have done to me.
Sometimes I just have no idea on how to repay your kindness.

It's very rare for a person to be nice to me, up to this limit.
But from what i know about me,
This kind of person tend to stay longer in my life.

You've been through the hurdles that I have been put in,
You are there to cherish the joy i had in my life,
You even soothe this heart, every time I lament about everything.
You support me and tell me what to do each time I am stuck at the dead ends.
Your bravery makes me brave too.

To scrutinize to every detail,
I will not have the power to tell, one by one. It is just too much. But I know,
One day I will be able to put it into words,
When the time is right.

Like for now, you are struggling helping me with my printer thingy,
Which is if I were you,
At this time,
I would only tuck in my blanket and enjoy the breezy night,
as it seems to rain.

Thank you for being here with me :)

Hi. Yeayyyyy! Yippiee! 
Im back! 
After three years? two?

It seems to me that i just dont have clear idea of how this thing works,
because strangers and unwelcome people are strictly prohibited. 

So, how do i make this a private blog?
So, how do i make this a private blog?

It's okay. I'll find it out later.